sTuFf          hIsToRy          rUlEz          pLaYerZ          piX          sTaTz          meSSaGoBoReD          sPonSorZ          hOmE

The Playing Field
The landscape of the field of play is 49 yards from the North endZone to South endZone and the width is 17 1/3 yards (AMMENDMENT TO THIS RULE AS OF JUNE '04 WIDTH = 24 YARDS WIDE). The siZe of the 2 endZones vary. On the Northside, the endZone is a rectangular shape extending 9 yards to the back of the 2nd garage window, with a small section near the driveway of only 1' deep by 8' in length while the Southside endZone is tapered at an even 12 degree angle thus making it 9 yards deep on the Westside and 16 yards deep on the Eastside. The topography is 218' above seaLevel on the Northside and 224' above seaLevel on the Southside with an even 67 yard downward slope. The Old Glory logo at midfield is Global Satellite Position N 42 degrees 38.171 and W 073 degrees 43.872.

Section A, Offense
  1. *note* Let it be known that rUleZ are made to be broken, and these rUleZ may not be valid on any given day according to the pLaYerZ in agreement. In other words, if it is a nice windy day there may be punts allowed, if a majority rUleZ. cRaZy fOoTbAll is a democracy not a dictatorship.

  2. Quarterback must stand not more than 3 large steps behind the center. -Whiskr
  3. Receiver must show control of ball and have 1 foot in bounds for a catch (College Rules.)
  4. A punt is not performed. Ball gets turned over at the 20 yardline.(always)
  5. Clause A - One run per 4 downs is allowed (if there is a line or safety.)
  6. Clause B - No running plays ever! Pass the ball dang it!
  7. The bushes are in! -Kevin clause below
  8. All players must wear flags on the outside of their jerseys. -Al
  9. There is no tollerance for flag shielding! If this happens the player is deemed automatically "tackled." and also carries a punnishment of 39 lashes with a wet nOOdle! Flag shielding is when the ball-handler uses his/her hand/arm to push a defenders hand/arm away to escape tackling.
  10. Fumbles are now deemed as fumbles, especially if there is a snapper, well most of the time that is.
  11. First downs are marked by Al's cones each 17 yards. A first down is made when passing the cones.
  12. Huddles must be limited! Even a complex play should not take that long to design. When the defense states aloud, "hurry up," this is a clue to the offense to snap it up!
  13. A touchdown has a 1 point value.
  14. Ammendment - The bushes are GONE!
  15. The "WTF" rule - Frank said 1, 2, 3, 4. A receiver seemed to run his route everytime Frank shouted out a number. NoOne but franK quite knew what was going on. This cannot be allowed. There was no hiker, no hut hut. A QB must say aloud "hut" or "hike" or "go" or something. I guess any "1 word" phrase is allowed, but WTF is 1, 2, 3, 4 hahaha.
  16. It is wise, but not required to wear tighty whity underpants while playing. The pie crust play is something that noOne should experience. It happened because I wore boxers and my balls got rolled flat like a pie crust during a diving catch! My stomach hurt for 2 days!

Section B, Defense
  1. 1 Blitz per 4 downs is allowed.
  2. The english word "blitz" must be stated aloud before a defender crosses the line.
  3. Clause A - A person is "tackled" when he/she is either tackled, flagged, or touched briskly with 2 hands at the same time, otherwise the ball-handler is not "tackled."
  4. When there is a safety, the ball is turned over at the 20. There is no point value. Some have tried to get 1/8 or 1/4 point for a safety.. this is fOOlishNess!
  5. Pass interference rUleZ have been voted and changed accordingly. As of now a pass interference call is announced by the receiver and the offense is awarded a down over.
  6. AMMENDMENT! - Pass Interference is now like a mortal sin! Receiver can announce it and, if catchable, 1st down at the spot of the foul, or 1/2 the distance to the goal and 1st down.
  7. Due to the extensive and prolonged (15+ yr) abuse of the simple word "Mississippi" ...pronounced "Miss·sas·sip·pee" ..not "Mis-sip-ee" or "Mis-ipea" or the FAMOUS missing Mississippi "one mis-sip-ee... two mis-ipea....three....????" We would like to propose a simple and effective way to control the aforementioned mispronunciations and sometimes deliberate abuse of the simple word "Mississippi." Let the offensive line pronounce the entire word as Webster invented it!
  8. When flagging, if a person is "handled" and the flag does not come off immediately but comes off a little while later down the field, that person is considered tackled somewhere along the way because his/her flag was pulled.

Section C, General

  1. $1 per week dues due at game beginning or end.. $2 per week if game is missed without proper documentation.
  2. When is the game over? The game is officially over when the game is over! Not before or after... This is usually suggested by the winning side.. but always contains the wording, "next touchdown wins." This does not at all mean the next touchdown wins, it just means the game is nearing the end.
  3. The official cRaZy fOoTbAll ball marker is the patented fly swatter. No other apparatus may be used (other than a gord).
  4. Time allotted rule... For inJury, a cRaZy pLaYer must only take time needed for 80% healing... any more and the player is required to play. For sickness, 1 game. Maternity leave allows 2 games, any more time taken out of your cRaZy cOnTrAcT and a player may be reported AWOL or even weekly suspension from the league.
  5. When one has been "Suspended" he/she must present a notorized letter on oFFicIal cRaZy fOoTbAll letterhead stating sufficient reasoning to be allowed back to work again.
  6. Since the 2000 season sTatZ have been recorded. There is usually a discrepency if you count the total scored TDs with the recorded TDs on the sTatZ page. It is "legal" from time to time to sell TDs that are named as "slippage." The TDs are approximately $1 each and all monies go into the cRaZy fund for parties.
  7. As sometimes plays are close. He may have been in or out of bounds with one foot, maybe that's a first down, did he drop the ball, show possession, then again maybe not? Instant review sometimes shows truth. Mostly, just ask the guy, and if you can't decide, the losing team at the time should get the choice. Or, give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
...and as always, REPLACE YOUR DIVOTS!